Here’s the scoop on affairs:
Most affairs are with people who are close and you see often.
If that ‘lover’ is close, and remains in the picture, it may be impossible to fully recover from the affair. If you want recovery, it is best if the ‘lover’ goes away completely.
Everyone can have a small predisposition to having an affair. It is almost always some emotional need that has to be met and the ‘lover’ seemingly provides that.
The affair will never be forgotten. It will haunt the spousal relationship forever.
It might be forgiven to some extent, but probably not too many people are capable of complete forgiveness.
Trust can seldom be completely restored.
Honesty, clarity and action are the 3 requirements for recovery. Let your spouse know where you are and how you are spending your time. Quit doing stupid things that upset your spouse. Never cruise another person. Be there emotionally for your spouse.
In recovery, allow intimacy on all levels. This may be the first time in your relationship that you have to be brutally honest with your spouse about who you are and your defects. Intimacy is being authentic and open. This could be the biggest plus to the pain of an affair. This may be the first time you are actually letting your spouse see you completely.
Infidelity can happen online. Even if you don’t meet! Infidelity can be as much an energy thing as it is a physical thing. And many times it is more of a physical thing and there is no ‘love’ involved. Either way, the damage can be extensive, it can be multi-generational, and things will never be the same. In recovery you have to accept that.
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