My daughter woke up the other day and said she couldn’t go to school because she didn’t feel good. I said where doesn’t it feel good and she gave me her ‘look’ and said, “At school”.
Connecting You To Your World and To Yourself
My daughter is 13. She just told me she has a boyfriend. To my knowledge, this is her first. After working through my panic attack and contemplating whether I should quit AA I decided I needed a lot more information. Were they sleeping together? Was he from her school or from the wrong side of the tracks; ie, was he rich? Could he provide for my retirement?
I have been single for 12 years now. I have only been on a couple dates in that entire time. I don’t drink so I don’t hang out at bars or go to a lot of social events where I could meet someone. I made the decision I was ready to date so I signed up on Match.com
I used to go to all the Abraham-Hicks meetings. I believed in the Law of Attraction. I am certain I attracted a gay husband because I was really wanting a great interior decorator.
So I have this great life now. I have a job, I am healthy, I am off drugs and alcohol, I am happily single and I am writing, which I love. I must have attracted all of that. Well, I’m not exactly sure. My sobriety was the result of an intervention so I didn’t really chose it or want it at the time. My children were both ‘mistakes’ and ‘unplanned’ events that caused me great stress at the time. I never wanted to be single and am certain my path to self-worth was to be married and have someone else love me. And my job is a requirement that I would put in second place after my first place choice: retirement.
And I don’t really own that I created the healthy description. When I got divorced 11 years ago I was 20 pounds overweight. I lost 30 pounds that year and discovered what the words stress, implode and downward spiral really meant. Weight-watchers had nothing to do with my beautifully slender figure.
But look how it turned out. I now live consciously, love my children more than they can ever know, am financially stable, look great, feel happy and independent and most of all I love myself. That’s it. The one thing I always wanted to attract wasn’t outside myself. It was that I wanted to love, appreciate and value myself. That’s an energy, a realization of what really is. It isn’t something that has to be created or attracted. It’s realization. When I changed that energy, my life transformed.
As most of you don’t know I am a Buddhist. I go to a Buddhist center every Sunday evening. Half of the people there are in AA so I felt right at home from day one. Buddhists are a psychological sort. They are definitely not religious but are spiritual, whatever that means. They talk a lot about suffering and the 8 fold path to eliminating suffering. Here is my 8 fold path of things you should never do so you won’t suffer:
1) Piss in the wind.
2) Ask the policeman who just pulled you over if he was a member of the Village People
3) Spit straight up.
4) Insist that “I buried Paul” was your discovery on the White album
5) Eat it if it smells.
6) Play leapfrog with a unicorn.
7) Use Monster glue for a lubricant
8) Correct the spelling on Republican sign
9) Ask the Pope if he would put in a good word for you
10) Trust Kim-Jong-Un
11) Sing in public after that 9th Jell-o-shot
12) Macrame another hanging plant holder
13) Tell your wife she’s cute when she’s pissed off
14) Pee in the men’s room with no hands
15) Tell the girl you’re on the first date with what a great appetite she has.
16) Ask someone from the south if their cousin is a good kisser
OK, so that is 16. It has always taken me twice as long to get it so I needed a little more help. Buddha would have approved I’m sure.
So the other night I’m sitting around watching the evening news about radical terrorists and my daughter is 10 feet away on her phone on Snapchat. I have absolutely no idea what Snapchat is. I asked her, “Do you think you could be radicalized?” She looks at me with disdain and says, “Oh my God, berkas just come in black and that is so not my color.” One fear handled.
A year ago my 16 year old daughter just walked in and asked me very politely to stop suggesting to her how to live her life. She said “You’re stepping on my dress”. Where the heck did she pick that up? She goes to a Catholic High School and is supposed to be finding Jesus or salvation or whatever $495.00 a month can get you these days. None of us are religious. I’m just fearful and want to protect her. She’s on her phone all the time so I really am not sure if she is protected, dealing drugs, having an affair with a non-Catholic or planning to run away. It’s probably 2 or 3 of those but as long as she’s home by 8:00 on school night’s I’m OK.
I tried for a really long time to try to control my two kids. I guess I tried it with my ex-husband too and that was so successful; not. Of course you’re dying to know, “How did that turn out, Doris?” Well, I’m obviously not doing it any more. It was requiring additional mood-altering medications on my part. As soon as I stopped trying to control everything, my medications dropped, my addictions declined (I have a whole assortment of those), and peace and joy ruled the day.
I think that is very counter-intuitive. Everything I have been taught tells me to take charge, kids should follow their parent’s orders. I should manage everything, if you don’t keep it together it’ll fall apart. I let go and learned to allow life to unfold on its own terms and nothing fell apart- it fell together. My daughter found some responsibility and I found some trust. What a relief.
I’ve been divorced for 11 years and I ran into my ex-husband at the True Value yesterday. Hadn’t seen him for 4 years and I wanted him to look like 10 miles of bad road. I really wanted to see that without me he had gone down the tubes. But he looked just like he always did; happy, handsome and with his new boyfriend, 12 years his younger. I felt guilty because I wanted his hot boyfriend. Of course I was flustered and wanted to appear confident and happy. I said hi, bought my WD40 and left.