My mother and father slept in separate bedrooms the last 15 years of their marriage. They really didn’t like each other; not the best role models. I made a commitment to myself that if I was to find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I would be prepared, educated and ready. Figuring it out as I went along wasn’t acceptable to me. 4 years of college learning about relationships followed by 2 years becoming a meditation teacher learning about myself and how we experience and understand life brought me to the point, some years ago, where I began writing about relationships. I hope you find some gems hidden among these blogs. They are for you and for me. My journey is always unfolding. Thank you for walking it with me.


Relationship: How to Build Trust

Relationship: How to Build Trust

Do what you say you are going to do, or at least try your best. Be reliable and let your partner know you can consistently be trusted. If you show up a different person every day, mad, happy, sad, lost, angry, then no one knows what to expect.

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Relationship: Fighting and conflict

Relationship: Fighting and conflict

If you have a relationship where you never fight, there is probably more problems than if you do fight. That means you don’t get real and honest and you are playing a surface game of being perfect all the time. Leave it to Beaver isn’t real. If you fight all the time you may be in a toxic relationship and that isn’t healthy. A little conflict is inevitable but no conflict or always conflict are extremes that should alert you to a big issue.

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Recent comment in this post
James Henthorn
Great post!
Saturday, 19 August 2017 04:57
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Relationships: Priorities

Relationships: Priorities

When you don’t take care of something it falls apart. A house that never receives attention becomes decrepit; the paint chips, the pipes leak, the doors fall off the hinges and the roof leaks. Relationships are the same.

 

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Relationships: Money Issues

Relationships: Money Issues

A money issue doesn’t just mean having none. It can mean that one of you makes a lot and one makes none or a little, unbalancing the ‘power’ in a relationship. When you were dating did you both try to pay equally for things? After you moved in together did financial responsibility shift to one person alone? Did things move from balance to imbalance? Did you talk about it or just let it happen because it was uncomfortable?

 

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Relationships: Sexual Compatibility

Relationships: Sexual Compatibility

Problems with sexual compatibility can arise when being honest and authentic with your partner are missing. Not all people who love each other are naturally sexually compatible. Sometime, as a couple, you have to ‘try’ and talk about what you each like – honestly. That is not always an easy thing to do because it exposes a deeper layer of who you are that might be judged by your partner or society.

 

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Relationships: Better Communication

Relationships: Better Communication

Lack of communication is a core reason relationships suffer. When you aren’t clear about expectations, hopes, fears or what you love and want, you and your partner have little chance to come together or, for that matter, even really know each other. Everyone is always expanding and changing and it is communication that allows you both to continue to ‘know’ the always ‘new’ you.

 

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Affairs

affairs

Here’s the scoop on affairs: 

Most affairs are with people who are close and you see often.

 

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Can a Long Distance Relationship Work?

Can a Long Distance Relationship Work?

Long distance relationships are difficult. For some they inspire more bitterness and fear than anything else. But if you are committed to making it work, and if you feel it won’t be a long distance thing forever, here are some suggestions.

 

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Relationships: Stop complaining

Relationships: Stop complaining

I have clients who have one mode of communication; complaining. They spend their entire hour with me complaining and, from what I can tell, spend their entire time at home doing the same. For the first few weeks I let this play out and then I stopped it. After several minutes I stepped in and told them to realize what they were doing. They didn’t realize they were doing it. They didn’t realize the tone of their voices and they didn’t realize how cruel they were being.

 

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Relationships: You and Your relationship are unique

Relationships: You and Your relationship are unique

Don’t compare your relationship to anybody else’s relationship. You may fight more or less than another couple. You may have more or less sex. You are unique.

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Relationships: Dealing with Anger

Relationships: Dealing with Anger

Anger is the reactive feeling most commonly discussed in relationship therapy. It is often corrosive, disrespectful and demeaning when personalized and pervasive.

 

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Relationships: Money, money, money

Relationships and Money

What is the one thing couples fight over the most? Money. It’s so interesting to watch couples in therapy sessions struggle with this subject. Money is always a power, a maker of priorities and a means of control. In most cases one person has or makes more than the other. That elevates them in stature and social importance. It creates a better and worse, a high and a low. It becomes so complicated because we are reacting to our conditioning. 70% of couples fight about money.

 

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Relationships: Cheating

Cheating

It is estimated that 18 to 20% of married people have sexual relationships with people outside their marriage: they cheat. 90% of women who cheat say that their outside partner appreciated them more and listened to them better than their spouse. Men found their outside partners more passionate and more caring. This is significant because most people rate looks, power, position, and other factors as significantly less important.

 

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Relationships: Snoring

snoring

Snoring is seldom talked about as an irritant in relationships. Yet I know several couples that sleep in separate bedrooms because one of the partners snores.

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The critical reality check

gianlove

It is a critically important understanding to realize that people have a higher Self and a human self. We all have a spiritual, divine if you like, aspect that is rooted in the higher consciousness of love and peace and expanded connection. But we all also have the conditioning, limitations and ego that create the issues, separation, and the conflicts and needs we all feel.

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Relationships: Maybe my ex is great

Relationships: Maybe my ex is great

So you have broken up with someone and you are with someone new. It’s late at night and you are feeling your new partner (or 3rd date) just irritated you at dinner. You start remembering your ex and how you both laughed at that joke and how much fun you had in Hawaii. She/He was so kind to your mother, who was difficult to love. You’ll never meet anyone like her/him again. Why did you brake-up anyway? Will she/he want you back? Will she/he text you or call?

 

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Money is ruining our relationship

Money is ruining our relationship

Most people refuse to really discuss money and finances. They would rather yell or fight about the other person’s irresponsibility or lack of contribution. How do you calmly figure it out together without getting into overwhelm? It’s easy in the beginning when everything is love and infatuation. But, in time, reality hits, bills pile up and spending decisions (and restrictions) must be dealt with.

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Relationship myths

Relationship myths

The first thing is we need to realize that most people have zero education in relationships. Relationships are one of the cornerstones of our life and we receive no education time in universities or at home. We revert to habit and mimicking. We get no map.

 

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Judging and blaming your partner

Judging and blaming your partner

You are the touchstone of your experience.

There is a tendency to blame the other for our experience. We think they are responsible for our feelings. We think we feel badly because of how the other is acting or impinging upon our life. And this stems from our judgment.

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Fighting over politics

Fighting over politics

I recently read an article that described the decision to divorce after 22 years of marriage because the wife was a socialist and the husband voted for Donald Trump. She claims this was a revelation. She felt betrayed and undone by his support for Trump.

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