My mother and father slept in separate bedrooms the last 15 years of their marriage. They really didn’t like each other; not the best role models. I made a commitment to myself that if I was to find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I would be prepared, educated and ready. Figuring it out as I went along wasn’t acceptable to me. 4 years of college learning about relationships followed by 2 years becoming a meditation teacher learning about myself and how we experience and understand life brought me to the point, some years ago, where I began writing about relationships. I hope you find some gems hidden among these blogs. They are for you and for me. My journey is always unfolding. Thank you for walking it with me.


Working Through Differences

Working Through Differences

Our tendency is to always think we are right. Of course every other person also thinks they are right. So when we are a relationship how do we gain resolution when there are 2 parties, each owning a different truth, an alternative set of realities?

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Relationships: Fear of Intimacy

Relationships: Fear of Intimacy

Fear arises when we reach the boundary of our comfort zone. It is an energy that forms a protective wall. What is the greatest fear in a relationship? Being seen.

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Why the first 6 months of a Relationship are Easy

Why the first 6 months of a Relationship are Easy

Most dating experiences that don’t end in marriage end after 5 to 6 months. In most marriages the honeymoon period is the first 6 months. Then reality crashes in. Why is that?


There is a big difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation is when you project all of your hopes and dreams and ideals upon another person. They become the fantasy, the white night on the horse taking you off to the castle or the perfect Cinderella. We are conditioned by society and advertising that this fantasy can be ours and it’s out there for us.

If you’ve used online dating, how many times have you seen a picture and read a profile and thought this one is perfect. This is a minor form of infatuation- projection fantasy. Then you talked or met and you realized they were as messed up as you are. Or you met and they were cute or handsome and you were taken by them. It took a few more months to realize who they really were.

It generally takes 5-6 months to really get to know someone; how do they treat the waiter, how do they clean up after themselves, do they remember your birthday, are they responsible, are they truthful, how do they handle stress, can they communicate, can they express intimacy? It’s an accumulation of things. It’s during these 6 months that reality hits. It may be a good, a mixed or a bad realization. So you either marry them, continue to explore it or you leave.

Don’t confuse infatuation with love. Love holds respect and appreciation. Love isn’t about neediness or helplessness or power or projection. Love is an energy that grows with time. Infatuation can grow into love but, in itself, infatuation is not love. Infatuation is fantasy, Love is real.

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Relationships: Triggers

Relationships: Triggers

It seems that one of the major reasons we get into relationships is to expand our awareness and happiness. Relationships serve this purpose by triggering what is unresolved within us. When we are triggered our tendency is to judge and blame the other but what is actually happening is our unresolved issues within us are being brought to the surface to be looked at and brought to resolution. And this triggering will continue until we complete this process. We should be grateful to our partner for accelerating this process- but if we aren’t aware of what is actually happening, we could be in for a lot of blame, fights and a divorce.

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Relationships: Loving Being Alone

Relationships: Loving Being Alone

There are many people who are in relationships simply because they do not like being alone. This is one of the worst reasons possible for deciding to be with someone else. In this situation relationship becomes a distraction.

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Relationships: Sex

Relationships: Sex

Sex is one of the most complicated psychological topics out there. The most visited sites on the internet are pornography. One of the fastest growing addictions in the world is internet porn. The internet has allowed us to ‘hook-up’ almost instantly and discretely.

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Relationships: Thinking of Leaving?

Relationships: Thinking of Leaving?

For almost all of us there comes a time in our relationships where we consider leaving. I would like to make a suggestion that when you get to that place go someplace where you can be alone and reflect upon your shared history. Remember the wedding, the honeymoon, the vacations, the kids, the special occasions, the times you were sick and your partner helped you, the sweet remark you cherished. Remember the gift they gave you that’s sitting on the bookshelf.

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Relationship: The Clash of Egos

Relationship: The Clash of Egos

The purpose of the ego is to let you relate to the outside world. This requires a slight degree of separation in a healthy person. We talk a lot about oneness and unity, but to function in this world some slight degree of ego is necessary. The problem arises when the ‘sense’ of separation becomes strong. When ego starts to dominate our experience, separation from others and our experience of ‘other’ become dominant and we suffer.

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