My daughter woke up the other day and said she couldn’t go to school because she didn’t feel good. I said where doesn’t it feel good and she gave me her ‘look’ and said, “At school”.
Seems she was being bullied and pressured. My daughter gets all A’s, has friends - and I always thought she was well adjusted, self-motivated and well liked. I was projecting my fantasy on her of course. What I saw as self-motivated she saw as self-pressured and neurotically focused on perfection. What I saw as well liked she saw as being used; people wanting to be around her because she was a cheerleader and being seen with the cool kids would translate well. What I saw as well adjusted she saw and being quiet because she didn’t want anyone to know she was freaking out inside. And all of this comes out in a 3 minute conversation right before we leave for school and I leave for work. She went to school and that evening we had a big conversation.
I am a fanatic about anti-bullying and that word stuck with me all day. I never really experienced it except once at work. I just know I would go rage crazy to protect her.
Her new boyfriend wanted her to smoke pot after school with their cool group and she said no. All the kids verbally ganged up on her and pressured her. Her boyfriend actually grabbed her arm and pulled her to come with them. She pulled away and left.
Now, I am not a prude. I’ve done it all. You don’t end up in AA being miss good fairy. I smoked pot all through college and the first few years before my kids were born. Please do not tell local law enforcement this or my mother. The only drug I do now is Metamucil.
There are a couple things that freak me out about this. She is 13. I wasn’t presented with sex and drugs until I was 18. At 13 you are very young and have little experience to form conscious decisions around. My friends never pressured me. I sought it out. I wanted to experience getting high. The fact that other 13 year olds, and her boyfriend in particular, were pressuring her made me red and fuming. Weren’t friends and partners supposed to support you and love you and cherish you?
She wanted to be included and loved and this destroyed that. I thought this was a great step in the discovery of her authenticity. I told her that and somehow she understood. She was definitely more mature at 13 than I was at 18. She broke up with her boyfriend of 2 weeks and found a new best friend. And I only needed 2 meetings with the principal, 6 phone calls with my sponsor and 3 meetings with my psychologist to move on. We are all making such good progress.
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