My best friend got me through my divorce and was there for me- through 2 years of crying that followed- and AA that followed that. I probably owe her my life. Now she is going through a similar situation. She is getting divorced.
She called and said she can’t get out of bed she’s so depressed. I said, “That’s great. Now you never have to make the bed again.” I told her to get showered (another significant lapse in her routine) and dressed and I’d pick her up and take her shopping. I realize that going shopping is simply a distraction, but when you’re at bottom, distraction can be necessary to break up the victim, poor me, anger energy that’s gripping you. I took her to our favorite shoe stores and she was quite successful and guilty. I figure if you bought enough to create guilt, then you did good.
She was a stay at home mom. Her son was the same age as my oldest daughter and I figured our kids would marry someday. It would be convenient for the parents.
When I dropped her off and went home I started to feel anxious. There was no specific reason for me to feel this way. It grew stronger. I was feeling abandoned, alone, scared, exposed and vulnerable. My girlfriend’s situation was activating all the things I had felt years ago. I had thought that my psychologist and more than a handful of psychotropic medications had taken care of it. But, no, there is was. Unresolved and staring me in the face.
But this time I wasn’t gripped by the feelings. I was watching them arise and I was looking at them. Before I would have been consumed by them and rendered incapacitated. Now it was totally different. I watched it happen; feelings arising and subsiding. It didn’t feel good but “I” was still present. I made tea and gave myself the time and space to let it play out. After an hour I was back to normal and saw, for the first time, the massive shift, the massive progress, that watching and feeling it all represented.
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