The first thing is we need to realize that most people have zero education in relationships. Relationships are one of the cornerstones of our life and we receive no education time in universities or at home. We revert to habit and mimicking. We get no map.
We believe that the white night will arrive on his beautiful horse and take us away to the castle to live happily ever after. We want and believe in the fantasy and the happily ever after part. We long for it. We don’t understand the difference between infatuation and love. Relationships can be messy.
We have little idea what intimacy really is nor do we know how to create it. We experience little Self-authenticity so how can we allow someone else to really know us when we don’t know us. We live as children most of the time; in judgment, criticism and thinking the grass should be greener. Having a healthy relationship is two adults walking side by side individually happy and fulfilled and that is something we don’t relate to. We want the other to complete us or we want to complete another. Co-dependency rules many relationships.
We want the other to mold themselves to fit our needs. We come from a place of need. When the other wants to be themselves we feel rejection and unloved. Un-lovability is self-generated and never comes from outside. We cloak trying to change the other with trying to ‘help’ them. We tend to want others to always be just like us.
We think a great relationship should flow easily. That is never the case. Most ‘easy’ relationships simply have made the decision not to talk or share or discuss. They make the choice not to have the difficult conversations. They remain shut down and allow intimacy to evaporate. Relationships require hard work and maintenance and expression.
Conflict resolution is something we were never taught so most of us either avoid it completely or we remain in an unresolved situation permanently. Educate yourself on how to live in intimate relationships, be authentic and resolve to be committed to expansion.
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