Relationship: The Clash of Egos

Relationship: The Clash of Egos

The purpose of the ego is to let you relate to the outside world. This requires a slight degree of separation in a healthy person. We talk a lot about oneness and unity, but to function in this world some slight degree of ego is necessary. The problem arises when the ‘sense’ of separation becomes strong. When ego starts to dominate our experience, separation from others and our experience of ‘other’ become dominant and we suffer.

When we live with a strong ego, we live with a strong experience of separateness. This disallows us to feel the energy of another, to experience connection to them. Importantly, this disallows empathy. When empathy is lost the chance of true connection is lost.

When we are in a relationship and we reach the point where we feel no empathy, no connection, it’s a good time to look at our ego. It time to ask, “Is it all about me, all about my needs being fulfilled, all about my happiness above all else? Has my compassion lessened and my connection disappeared?”

The sense of disconnection to our partner or friend or family usually revolves around this subject of ego. We generally need to be ‘right’. We need things to play out our way. We need our emotional pain to stop. These all are caught up in our neediness, and ego feeds these needs.

Solutions arise only when we become conscious of what we are doing, what is the situation with our ego, how we are letting our need dominate, and the increasing nature of how we are creating a sense of separation. Letting go is required. A softening is requires of our rigid expectations. “Seeing’ the other deeply is required; their suffering and pain, their needs, the supports they want, and their desire to be loved and accepted for who they are in this moment.

 

 

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Monday, 15 October 2018
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About the Author

My mother and father slept in separate bedrooms the last 15 years of their marriage. They really didn’t like each other; not the best role models. I made a commitment to myself that if I was to find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I would be prepared, educated and ready. Figuring it out as I went along wasn’t acceptable to me. 4 years of college learning about relationships followed by 2 years becoming a meditation teacher learning about myself and how we experience and understand life brought me to the point, some years ago, where I began writing about relationships. ...

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