Relationships: Fear of Intimacy

Relationships: Fear of Intimacy

Fear arises when we reach the boundary of our comfort zone. It is an energy that forms a protective wall. What is the greatest fear in a relationship? Being seen.

We are seldom authentic in our life. We are layer after layer of conditioning from everyone we have ever met; parents, siblings, friends, teachers, pastors, gurus, society. We live our life and create a facade so we will be loved and accepted. So when we commit to being with someone we expose ourselves to a situation where the other might really see who we are; all of our flaws and idiosyncrasies.

Most people feel they are unworthy. How could someone else really love me if they actually knew me? I will never show them my flaws, my shortcomings. I will never be totally honest. They would leave if they ‘saw’ me. So intimacy become impossible and fear arises.

The only option, if we want true intimacy on all levels and if we do not want to live in fear, is to be authentic. This can be terrifying and, for many, a totally new and frightening experience. There’s a huge risk of being ‘seen’. Take the risk. Go beyond your comfort zone and let people ’see’ you. You will lose people but if they can’t love you for who you authentically are they shouldn’t be in your life. The option is separation and fear. Not a good option. Be yourself and be free.

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Saturday, 20 October 2018
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About the Author

My mother and father slept in separate bedrooms the last 15 years of their marriage. They really didn’t like each other; not the best role models. I made a commitment to myself that if I was to find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I would be prepared, educated and ready. Figuring it out as I went along wasn’t acceptable to me. 4 years of college learning about relationships followed by 2 years becoming a meditation teacher learning about myself and how we experience and understand life brought me to the point, some years ago, where I began writing about relationships. ...

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