What is the one thing couples fight over the most? Money. It’s so interesting to watch couples in therapy sessions struggle with this subject. Money is always a power, a maker of priorities and a means of control. In most cases one person has or makes more than the other. That elevates them in stature and social importance. It creates a better and worse, a high and a low. It becomes so complicated because we are reacting to our conditioning. 70% of couples fight about money.
If you start fighting about money, stop for a few seconds and look deeply and make sure it is about money and not respect, control and power.
You may find that you are reacting exactly the way your parents reacted regarding money. Is this habitual, engrained reactivity or is there really some issue to resolve.
Before you fight or become frustrated talk about money, priorities and budgets. These are conversations most people don’t want to have. These conversations will eliminate most misunderstandings before they happen. Create set spending limits where anything over a certain amount needs to be discussed before-hand.
There are many old and unfair conditionings that society imposes on us. Some women see money in terms of male domination, internal and external security and fear. Some men take more irresponsible risks and see money as a source of self-worth and power. Talk about it and be open when your partner says how they feel and how they see your actions and viewpoint.
If it’s clear one person is acting irresponsibly and jeopardizing your financial well-being, let them know what is happening and how critical the issue has become. Remember: 1) be honest, 2) get clarity and 3) act to resolve it.
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