Our tendency is to always think we are right. Of course every other person also thinks they are right. So when we are a relationship how do we gain resolution when there are 2 parties, each owning a different truth, an alternative set of realities?
Relationships require work and commitment. They require that we see that reality is seen from many perspectives and that is going to be different for everyone. That’s a great thing. It allows creativity and expansion. So when your partner is expounding an alternative reality that you disagree with recognize that it is simply a different perspective on reality and isn’t right or wrong- simply a perspective.
There needs to be communication. There needs to be understanding and allowing. The discussion shouldn’t be around who or what stance is right or wrong. It isn’t about trying to convince someone of the other’s truth. Discuss the perspectives. See where there is compassion in their stance and in your stance. See if you are capable of loving a person even when they disagree with you. How broad is your compassion?
Can you feel safe in a discussion? Can you retain your adult status and not allow insecurities to surface? Do you see the other as a parent trying to control you? Do you feel bullied? Look at your feelings and see them for what they are because they will cause you to react instead of respond if you don’t. Tell the other how the discussion makes you feel. Ultimately the feelings matter more than some version of a stance or perspective.
There comes a time though when feelings become so important that decisions need to be made. If there is bullying, if there is no compassion, if there is abuse, then decisions and changes need to be made if resolution isn’t possible.
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