When I left the hospital my doctor told me I had to take it easy until he said I no longer had to take it easy. Well, I don’t like male domination and that felt like a man was telling me what to do and totally controlling what I could and couldn’t do. I got over that and realized that was my unresolved issue.
He said I would feel better in a couple weeks and want to jump right back into my stressed, crazy, busy schedule. I would probably feel guilty that people were taking care of me and I needed to get back to taking care of myself. Another unresolved issue of my independence. I would write the book of unresolved issues.
He warned me it would probably be 3 months before he would release me back into ‘normal’ life and even then it would never been exactly the same. It would be sane. He said no sex for 2 weeks. No problem. It only takes me 5 minutes to have sex so 2 weeks of sex would probably have killed me even before the heart attack. Anyway there was really no one I wanted to see while I was looking like this, feeling weak and feeble and almost kicking the bucket. Time for ‘me’.
He gave me enough pills to keep me in bed and in 1st gear for a long time. Pills for hypertension, cholesterol, chest pain and diabetes. I didn’t have any of these. All these drugs were disorienting even though they weren’t supposed to have major side effects.
My mantra was allow yourself to take it easy. Allow people to take care of you. Allow the doctor to be in charge. Allow your business partner to run the business the way she wanted to. Allowing was not my strong point. Here was learning to let go and surrender.
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