Unworthiness and alligators

Unworthiness-and-alligators

As some of you know I live in Florida. I am a warm weather person so that works well for me. Summers are a bit warm and rainy but I believe I had some lifetimes in India in previous incarnations and the summer monsoons in Florida remind me of that somehow.

 

The one fear I have is alligators. I ran into one a month ago while hiking in a nature sanctuary. My daughter kids me about it a lot. For the entire week after it happened there was a new joke from her every day;


Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator

Q: Why don't alligators like fast food?
A: Because they can't catch it!

Q: Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
A: It's filled with liti-gators.

Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
A: A Navi-gator.



You get the idea. I tried that once with my oldest daughter about her boyfriend and it went over rather poorly. But I was happy I have that kind of relationship with my kids. We can joke, we can be serious and we can argue and we know we are always there for each other- always. They have been there for me and I have been there for them.

 

My kids know how vulnerable and sensitive I am about people respecting me. It’s my unworthiness. I try to use my insecurity to teach them so they won’t have to deal with that. If I’m afraid I let them know and I let them watch how I approach it and handle it and accept it and deal with it. If I scream when I see an alligator it’s OK with all of us. I know they love and accept me, no matter what. No judgement, just love and acceptance. It goes both ways. Possibly the biggest blessing in my life.

 

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Thursday, 18 October 2018
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About the Author

I’m a writer, parent of 2 amazing kids, and been through all 12 steps in AA. I am also divorced. My main financial burden is affording my psychologist and my main pleasure is being able to fall asleep without sleeping pills, which doesn’t always happen. My past feels like a lifetime ago and my present feels like a present. I’m one of those people who literally wakes up in the morning grateful that I get to have another day and didn’t kill myself 12 years ago. Mostly my life is now a blessing. I have a lot of stories from those days when it didn’t feel life was a blessing and also about now, wh ...

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